Childhood feelings of loss or hurt can readily be reactivated when we begin interacting closely with others in adulthood. Counselling and Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (FIE) can bring the awareness that enables change for dysfunctional emotions such as:

Expectations and values about how people should treat each other socially, intimately, or at work, usually originates from watching how our family treated each other when we were young. If this early learning was negative or abusive, individual counselling and clinical FIE can help to neurocognitively restructure and challenge our own negative expectations and beliefs. For example:

Destructive behaviours in families result from dysfunctional thinking and feeling patterns that are usually multi-generational, neurocognitively wired and therefore difficult to change. Dyadic Developmental Therapy or Systemic Family Therapy involving all members, can clarify feelings and resolve conflicts thus allowing disturbed behaviours to change. Such as:

Jealousy (or intense envy) may have been learned when parents compared siblings unfavorably or failed to give unconditional love and support. Fears of rejection or abandonment can be processed in psychological counselling to prevent jealousy from undermining adult relationships.

Usually these patterns are learnt together in families who use shaming guilt to control some members or deny the responsibilities of others. Secrecy, threat and manipulation characterizes such dysfunctional interactions, which may be hard to change until one party is able to break out of the secrecy and abuse. Psychotherapy aims to overcome the fragmentation by changing belief systems and improving life skills.

Sexual Incompatibility problems can arise in a marriage or on a date. One person may have lower interest occasionally or all of the time. If inability to talk openly about sexual needs is the only problem it can be resolved in brief sexual counselling. Sometimes incompatibility also involves conflicts over preferred sexual practices that may need first to be modified in individual sex therapy before couple therapy can begin.

Insecurity feelings can make us overly dependent or codependent, afraid to change or leave situations that may have become harmful. Psychotherapy, both individual and dyadic, aims to build self worth and confidence to make the person less needy and more able to enjoy better relationships as a more mature adult.

Inadequacy/Inferiority beliefs come from low self-esteem, which makes the person feel submissive and vulnerable to be manipulated, exploited or abused. Personal or workplace relationships tend to break down as resentment and disrespect start to increase. Psychological counselling aims to build confidence and improve communication and conflict skills.

A single affair in a relationship may cause feelings of betrayal and distrust that disappear over time. Persisting or mid-life affairs may be a symptom of age avoidance or depression about virility loss. It is usually appropriate to have individual or dyadic psychotherapy followed by couples sexual therapy to improve sexual communication and trust.

Loneliness feelings affect single people or couples who avoid emotional intimacy because they fear criticism, conflict, or rejection. At PsychelpSydney we re-mediate to improve empathy and communication skills, building people’s confidence to relate more closely to others.

Beliefs about distrust probably learnt in earlier relationships that were controlling or abusive. This kind of avoidance may change when the person develops confidence and assertiveness. Without professional Psychelp, unfortunate patterns may result in an isolated person being alone against their wish.

Impotence and premature ejaculation occur naturally in most people at times of stress or fatigue. Resistant erectile problems can become self-perpetuating because performance anxiety actually decreases arousal and makes impotence more likely to occur. PsychelpSydney sexual counselors have specialized programs for treatment without injections or medication.

Sexual desire is a natural part of intimate relationships. It can be difficult or inappropriate to express or in some cases may be difficult to control. In PsychelpSydney sexual counselling assists with problems of absent or excessive sexual desire. Sexual performance fears are a form of stress that contributes to female and male sexual dysfunctions, causing inability to experience arousal pleasure or orgasm. Even when there are physical causes, treating sexual performance stress is always a necessary part of any treatment program.

Codependency is the belief that one cannot survive without that partner, to whom there is an anxious attachment subtly encouraging increased dependency. This pattern becomes complex when the partner’s dependency involves an addiction to substances or habits, which they may believe they need in order to survive. These interconnected beliefs are difficult to break and may require drug and alcohol counselling before relationship or further counselling can begin.

Male anxiety about ejaculation or penetration, and the equivalent female sexual dysfunction including vaginismus, can cause avoidance due to anticipation of failure and pain. Anorgasmia is a related anxiety-based problem and both can be effectively treated by our sexual therapists who have decades of expertise helping women and men without the use of drugs.

Falling in love or losing a love may both be experienced as emotional crisis of ecstasy or of despair, sometimes so extreme that the person’s ability to function is affected. Insight therapy involving FIE can help to understand and instructionally modify patterns of extreme attachment that may be based on early deprivation and loss.

Violence and silence can both be anger responses when people have poor communication and conflict skills. Teaching the couple how to fight fairly and to negotiate can be helpful in combination with improving anger management and assertiveness skills.

Separation, divorce and custody problems produce lots of opportunity to work on communication and negotiation skills, which are even more essential even after the relationship ends. Getting help to achieve a good closure after separation will allow all parties to move on with minimal harm caused to others in the family. Children in divorced families do better when this approach is used. 

On the other hand, the philosophies of Buddah and of Nelson Mandela support what we know scientifically about Mindfulness Meditation, Acceptance and Commitment (ACT).

Click here to learn more about ACT,